Men of the Infinite

Diogenes the Cynic - the Greek Zen Master

Diogenes, known as "The Cynic", was one of the great thinkers of Ancient Greece and a contemporary of Plato. The following are some teachings and anecdotes attributed to this great yet enigmatic philosopher:

        "Why is it, Diogenes, that pupils leave you to go to other
        teachers, but rarely do they leave them to come to you?"

        "Because," replied Diogenes, "one can make eunuchs out of men,
        but no one can make a man out of eunuchs".





        In winter Diogenes walked barefoot in the snow. In summer he
        rolled in the hot sand. He did this to harden himself against
        discomfort. "But aren't you overdoing it a little?" a disciple
        asked. "Of course," replied Diogenes, "I am like a teacher of
        choruses who has to sing louder than the rest in order they may
        get the right note."




        A student of philosophy, eager to display his powers of
        argument, approached Diogenes, introduced himself and said, "If
        it pleases you, sir, let me prove to you that there is no such
        thing as motion." Whereupon Diogenes immediately got up and
        left.




        A disciple asked Diogenes, "What is the main reason for wearing
        a cynics robe and the begging bowl?" "So as not to deceive
        oneself."




        When someone once asked Diogenes why he often laughed by
        himself, he said, "For that very reason."




        Plato considered Diogenes' stray-dog behaviour unbecoming to one
        calling himself a philosopher. "You really do live up to your
        name" he said to him disapprovingly one day. "By the Gods, you
        are right for once Plato," replied Diogenes, and then baring his
        teeth, he added, "But at least I've sunk my teeth into
        philosophy."




        Plato was discoursing on his theory of ideas and, pointing to
        the cups on the table before him, said while there are many cups
        in the world, there is only one `idea' of a cup, and this
        cupness precedes the existence of all particular cups.

        "I can see the cup on the table," interupted Diogenes, "but I
        can't see the `cupness'".

        "That's because you have the eyes to see the cup," said Plato,
        "but", tapping his head with his forefinger, "you don't have the
        intellect with which to comprehend `cupness'."

        Diogenes walked up to the table, examined a cup and, looking
        inside, asked, "Is it empty?"

        Plato nodded.

        "Where is the `emptiness' which precedes this empty cup?" asked
        Diogenes.

        Plato allowed himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, but
        Diogenes reached over and, tapping Plato's head with his finger,
        said "I think you will find here is the 'emptiness'."




        Diogenes was knee deep in a stream washing vegetables. Coming
        up to him, Plato said, "My good Diogenes, if you knew how to pay
        court to kings, you wouldn't have to wash vegetables."

        "And," replied Diogenes, "If you knew how to wash vegetables,
        you wouldn't have to pay court to kings."




        Diogenes was once asked what he thought of Socrates. "A
        madman," he replied. Later, Plato was asked what he thought of
        Diogenes.   "A Socrates gone mad," he replied.

        Diogenes ridiculed Plato for being long-winded.




        Some strangers to Athens once asked Diogenes if he would point
        out to them the great philosopher [meaning Plato]. Diogenes
        looked around and then led them to the most deserted part of the
        city and, gesturing to the empty air as one would in formal
        introduction, said, "May I present to you the great philosopher
        Plato."




        Diogenes was once invited to dinner by a wealthy man. During
        the evening, one of the guests became so outraged by Diogenes'
        general behaviour that he began to throw bones at him, calling
        him a "dog."   Whereupon Diogenes got up, went to the guest,
        cocked up his leg and urinated on him.




        Often when he was begging, Diogenes would be spat on by the
        people who passed him. Diogenes would ignore this and simply
        wipe his face with his sleeve. When ridiculed for his passive
        behaviour, Diogenes said, "Since men endure being wetted by the
        sea in order to net a mere herring, should I not endure being
        sprinkled to net my dinner?"




        Diogenes stood outside a brothel, shouting, "A beautiful whore
        is like poisoned honey! A beautiful whore is like poisoned
        honey! A beautiful whore . . . ".    Men entering the house
        threw him a coin or two to shut him up. Eventually Diogenes had
        collected enough money and he too went into the brothel.




        Diogenes was asked why he always begged. "To teach people,"
        replied Diogenes. "Oh yes, and what do you teach?" people would
        ask him scornfully. "Generosity", he replied.




        Diogenes was once asked why he took money from people. "To show
        them how they ought to spend their money," he replied.




        Diogenes was asked, "Tell me, to what do you attribute your
        great poverty?"

        "Hard work," he replied.

        "And what advice can you offer the rich?"

        "Avoid all the good things in life."

        "Why?"

        "Because money costs too much. A rich man is far poorer than a
        poor man."

        "How can that be?"

        "Because poverty is the only thing money can't buy."




        Whenever people complimented Diogenes, he would slap himself
        hard across the face and in self-reproach would cry, "Shame! I
        must have done something terribly wicked!"



        A famous athlete was making his triumphal entry into the city
        after another successful games. As he was carried along, he was
       unable to tear his eyes away from the many beautiful women among
        the onlookers.

        "Look at our brave victor," remarked Diogenes, "taken captive by
        every girl he sees."



        On one bright, clear day, Diogenes was walking up and down the
        market place, holding a lighted lantern high in front of him and
        peering around as if searching for something. When people gaped
        and asked him what he was doing, he replied, "I am looking for
        an honest man."



        "It's my fate to steal," pleaded the man who had been caught
        red-handed by Diogenes.

        "Then it is also your fate to be beaten," said Diogenes, hitting
        him across the head with his staff.




        Diogenes was strolling through the market place. Suddenly, he
        called out in despair, "Men! Men! Men! . . . "

        Immediately, they came running from all directions: young fops
        with flowers in their hair; lusty young boys, scantily dressed,
        hanging off the arms of older men; freemen, their slaves beside
        them burdened down with groceries, their cheeks bulging with
        small change; merchants who had left their shops in answer to
        Diogenes' call.

        He looked at them searchingly one by one and with a sad shrug
        turned to walk away. "I called for men," he said in disgust.




        The city was under siege. Everyone was busy fortifying the
        walls - some were carrying stones, others were patching the
        walls, yet others were building battlements. Diogenes, not
        wanting to appear idle while everyone around him was working so
        frantically, diligently rolled his barrel back and forth along
        the battlements. The city fell.




        In the midst of serious discourse in the Craneum, Diogenes
        realised no one was listening. So he instead began to whistle
        and dance about to attract attention. Immediately, people
        flocked round him. Diogenes stopped and said, "You idiots, you
        are not interested to stop and pay attention to wisdom, yet you
        rush up to observe a foolish display."

        A heckler in the crowd shouted out, "My mind is not made like
        that, I can't be bothered with philosophy."

        "Why do you bother to live," Diogenes retorted, "if you can't be
        bothered to live properly?"



        Very few of Diogenes' disciples had the physical and mental
        stamina to become cynics. One in particular left the circle,
        but not before entreating Diogenes to give him one of his books.
        "You really are a silly fellow," said Diogenes. "Surely you
        wouldn't have painted figs instead of real ones. And yet you
        pass over the genuine practice of wisdom and would be satisfied
        with what is merely written."



        Someone once asked, "Tell me Diogenes, what does a wise man look
        like?" At once, Diogenes straightened himself up and stroked
        his beard.



        Diogenes was gathering figs and had just filled his bag when a
        stranger came along the road. "I wouldn't touch this fruit! A
        man hung himself from the tree just the other day," warned the
        man, obviously believing the tree to be cursed.

        By way of answer, Diogenes sank his teeth into the fig he was
        holding. Sucking, as one would suck venom from a wound, he
        proclaimed, "Thus I purify the tree."

        Agog, the man stood there marveling while Diogenes walked off.



        Passing a stream, Diogenes saw a boy drinking out of his hands.
        "A child has beaten me in simplicity," he said, throwing away
        his cup.



        A young man contemplating marriage sought advice from Diogenes.
        "Should I marry?"

        "Marriage is too soon for a young man"

        "Would you have me wait then until I am old."

        "Oh no, Marriage is far too late for an old man."

        "What am I to do then? I love the girl."

        "Love is a luxury no one can afford. It is for those who have
        nothing better to do."

        "What should we be doing then?"

        "To seek freedom. But it is not possible to be free if you have
        a wife and children."

        "But having a wife and family is so agreeable."

        Then you see the problem, young man. Freedom would not be so
        difficult to attain were prison not so sweet."

        "You mean to be free is to be alone?"

        "We come into the world alone and we die alone. Why, in life,
        should we be any less alone?"

        "To live, then, is terrible."

        "No, not to live, but to live in chains."



        Once Diogenes was going into the theatre just as everybody was
        coming out. When asked why he did this, he answered,
        "Opposition has been my manner. It is what I have been doing
        all my life."



        Diogenes was walking backwards across the Agora, affecting a
        studied indifference to all who laughed at him. Finally, when
        he had collected a large following he stopped and announced,
        "You are laughing at me walking just a little distance backwards
        while you all lead your entire lives arse-about."

        "And what's more," he asked, "can you change your way of living
        as easily as this?" Whereupon, he turned on his heel and walked
        off in normal fashion.



        Asked about his worst nightmare, Diogenes said, "Waking to find
        myself living in a palace and everyone else in barrels." .



        Diogenes was asked, "What is the difference between life and death?"

        "No difference."

        "Well then, why do you remain in this life?"

        "Because there is no difference."